Beer Review Generator: Long Trail Harvest Vermont Maple Brown Ale

I poured one of these beautiful beers out to have with my dinner last night.

And then, instead of trying to piece together a literate, smart review of the reasons why I enjoyed this beer so much, I put my newly christened Beer Review Generator™ to work.

It’s going to use random choices from a series of lists to generate words beyond my own capability for expression.  The best part is that every time you refresh the page, you’ll get a brand new review.

Go ahead and give it a try!

“This beer tastes like what it would taste like if a

[random-content separator=”|||”]barista|||botanist|||concierge|||horse trainer|||pharmaceutical sales representative|||pet groomer|||wood turner|||garbageman|||tax attorney|||naughty intern|||housepainter|||hostage negotiator|||union delegate[/random-content]

made love to a

[random-content separator=”|||”]unicorn|||Cthtulu|||banshee|||bogeyman|||cyclops|||manticore|||mothman|||satytr|||wraith|||phoenix|||metal owl from Clash of the Titans|||mummy|||sentient mist|||Balrog[/random-content]

in the middle of a

[random-content separator=”|||”]motorboat|||1975 VW Bus|||Oscar Meyer weinermobile|||armored tank|||Jackie Chan car from Cannonball Run II|||dune buggy|||jalopy|||chariot|||conveyance|||tugboat|||airline restroom|||train caboose|||gondola|||soccer mom van|||van in which mysteries might otherwise be solved|||blimp|||helicopter[/random-content]

and then together raised a baby with their shared feelings of

[random-content separator=”|||”]trust and understanding|||barely concealed disgust|||wanderlust|||infatuation|||indifference|||terror|||weird discomfort|||hunger|||wantonness|||salacity|||anxiety|||ambivalence|||arousal|||nausea mistaken for eager nervousness|||tenacity|||resentment|||despair[/random-content]

and, finally, that baby cried

[random-content separator=”|||”]dazzling|||weird|||remarkable|||mirthful|||stellar|||stupendous|||miraculous|||mischevious|||titanic|||blissful|||wondrous||||||viscous|||heartfelt|||grandoise|||honorific|||magnificent|||exquisite|||beauteous|||angelic|||statuesque[/random-content]

tears of

[random-content separator=”|||”]nectar|||agave syrup|||frothy broth|||orange blossom honey|||rosewater|||absynthe|||sweetened pee|||dinosaur blood|||mulled cider|||unmulled cider|||dragon venom|||cappucino|||espresso|||caramel latte|||melted mint chocolate chip ice cream|||caro syrup|||molasses|||barrel aged bourbon|||juniper infused coconut water|||red wine vinegar|||ghost sweat[/random-content]

into a frosty pint glass.”

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