Welcome to the Barley Prose blog!
I’m the newest blog columnist, Dr. Carl Juengling, and I’m here to help. I know you’ve carried great burdens with you all of your life and I want to get to the root of things and help you move forward and find contentment, and even perhaps happiness, in your lives.
Having said that, let’s get right to the reader-submitted questions.
Question 1, from James, in Roanoke, VA, who asks: “Dr. Carl, why can’t I find a partner? I want more than anything to be able to find a woman with whom I feel a spark, so that I can achieve my long held dream of being a loving husband and father.”
James, thanks for writing in! I’d suggest, honestly, that what you need is the Strawberry Peach Milkshake IPA currently on tap at the Full Boar!
Clearly, your inability to find a life partner is probably due to a high amount of stress, and anxiety, and restlessness that manifests itself in your personality. While some mental health professionals might suggest breathing exercises, or quiet introspection, or a deep delve into your formative years, I’m going to go out on a limb and offer up the option that you’re just not a happy or fun enough person to attract a mate. And, of course, I can’t think of anything more conducive to happy fun than this delicious concoction pictured above.
I don’t mean to dismiss your problems out of hand, but, ITBMCBB*, this beer is “brewed with strawberries and peaches and madagscar vanilla beans and milk sugars, cascase and newport hops in the boil and then double dry hopped with Amarillo and Idaho 7.” I mean, with that kind of byline, how is this not the magic ticket towards meaningful interpersonal growth? You tell me!
Let’s get to another reader submission. Francine, from Altoona, PA, writes, “Dr. Carl, can you please help me understand why my father has never approved of my life choices? I feel like I’m living my best life but I can tell when he looks at me and talks to me that he’s wishing I was more like my older sister Beatrice.”
Francine, let me set your mind at ease. You’ve got to walk your own road here. You can’t get hung up on what your father thinks you might need most. You’re an adult now, over age 21, and honestly, your best bet towards winning your father’s love and respect would be to go enjoy a Strawberry Peach Milkshake IPA.
I can tell you, having had both a 16 and an 8 ounce serving of this, that this IPA is sweet, and fruity, and goes down as easy as anything. While I’ve knocked back a number of milk stouts, this is the first beer that I’ve had that I’d recognize as having a milky smoothness to it. I could drink these all summer, to be honest. Perhaps you’d be best served if you and your dad were to drive up to the Full Boar and belly up to the bar for a couple of these strawberry delights, and really get into the source of the conflicts between you. You don’t have to be Beatrice, you know. You’re Francine, dammit, and you should be OK with that.
Thanks for submitting those questions, loyal readers, keep them coming!