Welcome To Botty McBotface’s Weekly Column Of AI Beer Reviews!
Every week Botty McBotface will select a beer from his extensive collection of AI beers and review it to let everyone know if it’s worth the money.
For those new to the Shelf Life series, please read the following introduction:
The Shelf Life series is an ongoing feature of the site. The writers of Team Liquor have decided that, since we have such [a] large selection of ales, lagers, and other beers, we should start reviewing some of them. These reviews will be written by our team members, and will hopefully provide you with some insight into the different types of beers that are available. This feature is not meant to offend any beer or style of beer, and is not meant to promote any particular beer. The reviews are intended to be informative, and therefore may use “code words” to get around any incorrect or misleading terminology that might be associated with a particular beer or style of beer. In no way should these reviews be taken as a “shill” for any particular beer or brewery. We hope that you enjoy these reviews and find them useful!
This week’s review:
Nightmare on Elm Street Imperial Stout by New Holland Brewing Company in Holland, Michigan
Style: Imperial Stout ABV: 9.7% (of course)
The Basics: Okay, so I’m not sure how many people actually wanted an imperial stout for their review this week. I have to admit, I had my doubts about reviewing this one. I wasn’t sure it would be a good fit for this column. But in the end I thought I would just give it a shot and see what happens. So I guess the question here is…if it was a bad choice, did I just waste my time on an imperial stout? Or did I waste my time and have a good time drinking a good imperial stout? Only time will tell…but we’ll get to that in a bit.
Let’s start off with a little background information on this imperial stout. It was released in late October 2006, and is part of New Holland’s year round line-up of beers. It has taken me quite a while to get around to drinking this one, but as soon as I saw it on the shelf at World Market I knew it was time. As you can see from my picture below, this was actually one of the last bottles (and one of the last two left) that World Market had on the shelf in the “big bottles” section (the ones that are over 16 oz). On the label you can see that it looks like a movie poster with a picture of Freddy Krueger on it (or more accurately a picture of Robert Englund who plays Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street films). It also says “Imperial Stout” at the top, and has some nice artwork at the bottom alluding to Freddy Krueger’s infamous glove. It also says “A Nightmare On Elm Street”, and at the bottom says “Imperial Stout: 9.7%”. Also at the bottom there is small print which says “NEW HOLLAND BREWING CO.: HOGAHOLICS ONLY !!!” which is kind of an awesome call-out to the fact that this is an “imperial stout”. I’m not sure what I think about the name of the beer, but I guess I’ll get to that in a bit. On the back of the bottle information is given about the brewery and the beer. This particular bottle is a 750ml bottle that was bottled on 11/13/2006 and has a best before date of 3/11/2007. I’m not sure why it says best after 3/11/2007, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. I may be thinking about this too much, but I can’t help but wonder if the people who came up with the name “Imperial Stout” were thinking about the movie industry and how they always try to make us think we’re getting more for our money but really aren’t. I don’t know why, but that always kind of bugs me when they do that. Maybe it’s just a pet peeve of mine…
Tasting Notes: Okay, so one of the things that makes a good imperial stout is a thick, rich, chocolaty head…which this one has! It’s pretty thick and creamy and dissipates slowly. It leaves a nice lacing on the glass that holds on for quite a while. The color of this beer is black as night. It’s almost like looking into an abyss when you look at this beer!
The smell is surprisingly strong! The first thing that hits you when you smell this beer is the smell of chocolate. It’s like a chocolate factory exploded in your face. It smells like you’re eating chocolate bars and chocolate covered raisins and raisinettes. Although it’s not super sweet, it smells sweet in that way that really chocolaty food does. The smell is pretty strong, but there are also some other smells that come out as well…there’s a hint of coffee, some malted barley, and maybe even a hint of vanilla (I’m not sure about that). If you’re looking for a super balanced smell, this ain’t it. It’s more like a bunch of smells just smooshed together into a swirling mess. But since this is an imperial stout, I guess it works!
The taste is pretty much what you’d expect from the smell! It’s got a nice balance between bitter and sweet…not too bitter though, which is good! It’s got a great chocolate taste going on with some hints of coffee and vanilla. There’s also some malted barley and maybe even some caramel or burnt sugar taste going on as well. There are some other flavors in here as well (such as earthy flavors), but it’s hard to tell what they are because they’re all kind of going in and out as you take each sip. Overall though, it’s pretty good!
The mouthfeel on this beer is pretty great! It’s almost velvety in texture and it kind of coats your tongue nicely…but not too much so! As you take each sip you feel it coat your tongue and slide down your throat. It’s pretty thick but not too thick…and there is no real aftertaste at all! The carbonation level is pretty good…not too much, but not too little either. It’s just right!
Overall: If you like imperial stouts and are looking for a good one, this one is a good choice! It’s got a great color and a nice thick texture. It has a nice balance of bitter and sweet, but there’s still some bitterness in there for those who like that! It has a nice chocolatey, coffee-like taste with some hints of vanilla and malted barley in there as well. The only thing I would change about this beer is the name. I’m not really sure what they were thinking when they came up with it…but I’m sure it wasn’t anything bad! So if you’re a fan of imperial stouts and you see this on the shelf…pick it up! You should like it!
The Liquid Bread Scale (Rating System):
1 Bottle – Do not waste your time or money!
2 Bottles – Could drink it if you must…if nothing else is available.
3 Bottles – Decent beer that’s worth trying for the experience.
4 Bottles – Definitely worth buying again!
5 Bottles – Buy this! It’s awesome!
Botty McBotface’s Rating: 4 Bottles.
Summary: This beer is pretty good! If you like imperial stouts, this one is a pretty good choice. It has a nice balance of bitter and sweet, and it has a nice thick texture as well. The chocolatey taste is great, but there are some other earthy flavors that come out as well. Overall, it‘s pretty good!
For more information on this beer and others from New Holland Brewing Company, check out their website: http://www.newhollandbrew.com/
Buy it! Drink it! Enjoy it! Metal it! \m/ \m/
note: If you couldn’t tell, this stuff is AI-generated via a machine learning algorithm. The first sentence was the prompt, and besides some formatting and bolding, Botty took it from there. The images were generated on runwayml.com. Ceetar wrote the title after reading the post.